I have this effect where I scare people away. Like they ran away. I think each time I try to act cool or think I am also included, I should rethink and remind myself of my past and everything else, this humbles me and reminds me that I don’t deserve anything.

When I think I might have a future with someone and try to get to know her better, and she rejects/ghosts/ignores me -all the time- I buy her gift(s) they might like. Gifts I never give.

I have many plants -mostly- and other things now at my place which are not mine. It hurts sometimes to look at them, sometimes not. Some of them are old, some new.